The scoop on my shoop

by Steven Kowalski

Another poem by Steven Kowalski (me):

In education class, we've been doing some presentations, and one person presented on Random Word Poetry. In class we were given 5 words (mine were: red, jump, snowflake, exciting, spicy) to include in a poem:

It's not cool or exciting to leave a snowflake
all hot and spicy in an oven to bake.
It makes him red just like a tomato,
and makes him jump and scream, "Hot potato."

In math class, we're studying about Lipschitz functions... for some reason, whenever we get to that section, I get a picture in my head, not of a function though. Sometimes I wonder if Lipschitz functions are really of that great of importance. I think that they put it in textbooks just so that teachers can discipline giggly students. Because, once you giggle you're inappropriate... But really, who wouldn't just start to laugh out loud? I mean, it's a good thing he went to school in Germany... cuz I think he would have committed suicide before graduating if he went to an English-speaking school. But I don't know... there have just been way too many funnies in our Analysis textbook. For instance, when you hear the term "collection of open balls" do you think of numbers? Would you be able to ask any questions about a collection of open balls without laughing? Yeah, me neither. But really, I think these math terms make a lot of people in the class uncomfortable with saying them. Even our professor. You can tell that shes holding a laugh in, because when she says open ball, she pauses briefly pauses, lowers the volume of their voice, and when she says it, it almost seems like pulling a band-aid off.

I'm not really trying to complain about Math class, cuz I really do love math... it's just with the whole notion of choosing scientific-sounding terms in non-math classes, the ambiguity of math terms kind of throws you off-guard. And it kind of makes you to start to think of fucked up alternate meanings or analogies... like, if a set is discrete - you could say it's in the closet. Or if an open ball is centered at a limit point then it has infinitely many elements - kind of like the infinitely many sperm guys have in their balls.. I don't know. Math makes me think though. :-)

Any poem that you read was written by a poet.

When you play scrabble, just try to babble

Have you ever been carrying your groceries from your car into your place. You got them all in your hand - in a tight grip. Then you realize that you must enter your place. So with your hand, that for the past 30 seconds has been suffocating from the weight of all your groceries, you reach into your pocket and grab onto your keys. You know you have your keys... almost... you just need to let go of one bag handle to be able to retrieve them. So, you take a gamble and decide to let go of that handle saying to yourself, "I've probably got the other handle," or "Since the only bag with glass is in my other hand, even if I do drop this bag, it won't break." Well I took that gamble tonight. And it cost me my milk. It's even worse than having your milk-money stolen from you. If your milk money gets stolen. That's really not your fault - You're the victim and can possibly get it back. Not to mention, if your tight with the lunch lady, she'll just give you a carton for free. No loss there. But when you drop that milk, and you see it bleeding all over the cement, you realize, "I'm already home. It's no use going back now. My cookies will just be lonely for the couple hours they spend in my stomach." But as we all know, it's no use crying over spilled milk... or, a glass that's totally empty can only be filled... I actually just made that one up. Anyways... So, I tried to look on the bright side. My parents bought my food. I have a privilege that most people don't. And so, if my total cost of groceries is going to the store an additional time and buying another gallon of milk, I'm just fine with that. And I'm all set from here.

So, I get all my stuff inside, go back outside for round two and this time, I put the keys in my hand. I've got them ready to unlock that big glass outside apartment door, and it was going to happen this time. There was one torn bag in the bunch too, and I kept my eye on that one. It was a bag containing only boxes of macaroni, but after what happened last time, I kept my eye on it just to be safe. But yah, this time, I put all the heavy bags in my right hand to accompany my keys. Obviously, this configuration didn't help one bit with opening the door. I couldn't even get the key all the way in. But I was pretty sure I had it one time, so I turned the key to open the door. But really, my hand just turned and the key stayed in place. I twisted the top of the key off - luckily it didn't get stuck inside the hole; but on the inside, I'm thinking I am outside my apartment standing next to a puddle of milk holding some groceries. So, I try knocking. I was pretty sure no one was going to hear it, but I decided to give it a chance anyway. I put down my groceries first though... just so I wouldn't break the door. No one answered, so I tried calling a friend of mine who lived there. She didn't answer either though. Nobody was there for me... kind of like an adolescent's thoughts played out in a 30-minute scenario. But in the end, it all worked out. I didn't want to have to, but I had to knock on Jimmy's window, who let me in fortunately. That cost me 15 bucks though. So, the lesson learned here - if you get free groceries from your parents, you will pay somehow.

The End